It's a bad feeling no matter what, but it's amplified many times over when inflicted by a fellow believer, by someone you thought you could trust, by someone who knows better. You're left wondering, "How could this possibly happen in the family of God?" It's the kind of overwhelming pain that causes you to feel physically ill at times. And to top it off, that's not the worst part.
The worst part is the sin it spawns in your own heart and mind.
Yep. That's right. What started off as someone else's sin, has now begun its destructive work in your life. Like a cancer that silently spreads, the signs and symptoms progressively manifest until it's obvious something is very, very wrong in you.
And just like we all hate cancer, I venture to guess we all hate the effect of someone else's sin in our heart. I mean, really. You were going along your merry way, and BOOM! someone up and disrupts your life with their yucky junk. And once the damage is done, it can take several weeks (or months! or years!) to work through what happened. You see, it isn't enough to simply know you have a heart problem. You can know all day long your heart has developed some serious life-altering problems, but knowledge alone is not an automatic fix to becoming healthy and whole.
The sad reality of unresolved conflict is that it typically leads to more sin than was originally present. Some very ugly feelings and unwelcome questions arise as a result of being wronged; especially when the wrong is not righted through biblical peacemaking.
Feelings like:
Anger - a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong
Resentment - a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury
Bitterness - anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment
Unforgiveness - not disposed to forgive or show mercy; unrelenting
Pride - a feeling that you are more important or better than other people
Those are strong words with strong meanings. Did you catch some of them? Belligerence. Persistent ill will. Unrelenting. Better than. Yeah, that's ugly, alright. And the irony is, you may have seen these sinful attitudes in the person who wronged you - yet now those same feelings have taken root in you - perhaps exacerbated by their unwillingness to be at peace with you. It's a vicious cycle the enemy loves and surely makes the Savior weep.
And questions like:
What did I do to deserve this animosity, opposition, betrayal?
How on earth is God not dealing with the wrong things he/she did?
Why does he/she get to go on as if nothing happened, with no accountability, well-respected by others, and serving God to boot?
When will I be able to move past these yucky feelings?
I'm sure some of you could add your own feelings and questions to the list, couldn't you? But that's the bad news. The good news is this: we don't have to remain stuck with these feelings and questions.
We have a God who redeems and restores. And while that broken relationship may never be redeemed or restored, God can do miraculous things inside a person with a willing mind and a pliable heart.
Of all the things God has taught me in life, one of the hardest and most repeated lessons over the past 10 years has been: let it go.
I'm tellin' ya, I've had to leave more things unresolved than I care to remember. My typical response? Say what? WHY? HOW? Ummm...NO. There must be something I can do. Your word says so, God. This isn't right!
While it's true that God's word does guide us in how to resolve conflict within the body of Christ, I've learned through a great deal of pain, heartache, and experience that it doesn't always turn out rosy. Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to make peace. So as sad as it is to leave things messy, sometimes that is exactly what God asks us to do. No amount of anger or pain (even justified anger or pain) is worth giving up what I have with Jesus. I've gotta let go of the darkness to walk in the Light.
Does this answer all the questions I have? Not even close. I am a work in progress and becoming like Christ is a process. So I will continue to "work out my salvation with fear and trembling" {Phil. 2}; I will think on what is true, pure, and right {Phil. 4}; and I will trust God to do what he does best - change hearts and lives - the greatest miracle of all {2 Cor. 5:17}. I'd love to hear how God has, or is, helping you through your pain. We can always learn from and love one another!
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. {Ephesians 4:32}
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