Sometimes I think I haven't come very far in my walk with the Lord because I'm too focused on what I'm still NOT doing, what I still SHOULD BE doing, or what character flaws and bad habits are still too present in my life. I can certainly relate to the apostle Paul when he says:
I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. - Romans 7:15
I'm learning that freedom in Christ is something for which I must continually fight. Over the past decade, I've grown by leaps and bounds in my love for and knowledge of the Lord Jesus. I learned to be thankful for the deep and long-term shame I experienced because it drove me to Christ over and over and over in attempt to be FREE of it! My shame was a gift.
I don't believe that God intended for me to feel shame or wanted me to be stuck in it for nearly a decade. Not at all. He was there all along doing his part, whispering and sometimes shouting the truth of his love and grace, patiently waiting for me to finally get it - and be free. Without that intense struggle, I wouldn't have experienced the kind of overwhelming hunger for him that essentially consumed my life.
And then it happened. FREEDOM. It seemed so sudden once I finally accepted the incredible news that Christ had indeed set me free. But in truth, it wasn't sudden at all. It was a slow, grueling, painful, beautiful (his beauty, not mine) life-changing process.
What I've learned over the past few years is that I must continually fight to remain free. Not necessarily in the area of shame. That battle has been won. That truth has taken firm hold - praise Jesus! It's a new battle, and in some ways a more difficult battle. But I press on...because it is for FREEDOM that Christ set me FREE. - Galatians 5:1
