Sunday, July 28, 2013

I have a life

Once upon a time, a blonde-haired, brown-eyed (bull-headed) boy was born to a blonde-haired, blue-eyed (bull-headed) single mom.

And that little boy, and his little brown-haired, brown-eyed (sweet-mannered) sister - who came 14 months later - changed the life of that sinful young girl.
Well, actually Jesus did that. But he used these precious little ones to do it.
Fast-forward almost two decades and I haven't been a single mom for half that time; nor am I (nearly as) bull-headed. My "precious little ones" are no longer little at all; but their temperaments from birth are still firmly in tact. I'll never know what kind of mom I would've been had I been married to their dad from the time they were born. I only know that they became my whole world and that they "saved me" from my very destructive self. For the first time in my life, I truly cared about someone else - and what was best for them - far more than I cared about what I wanted or thought I needed. Being the best mom I could be was my number one priority, and that drove me into a relationship with Jesus like I'd never had before. Because when it came down to it, I realized that Jesus was who I needed most of all. And Jesus was who I wanted to give my children more than anything.

This past November, our oldest son, Jensen, left home and entered the Air Force. For nearly 18 months leading up to his departure for Basic Military Training (BMT), I scoured the internet learning all kinds of things about his new life in the USAF. Gathering everything I could from the official Air Force site, as well as support groups on Facebook, all the information I could find was safely compiled into Word documents. This became my go-to reference material when various questions would arise, and information of particular relevance to Jensen's upcoming BMT experience was printed off for his reading pleasure. I watched numerous YouTube videos and oftentimes sat watching them with Jensen. We would laugh loudly at the intimidating MTI's (Military Training Instructors) yelling at their nervous BMT trainees - and we had hours and hours of conversation. But that part was normal...

Jensen has always been a talker. And he will tell you pretty much anything, even the stuff you really don't want to know. I love that about him. Our bond is strong and there was some concern in the family about how I would fare when Jensen left our home. In fact, Jensen asked me about it one day while we were at Steak 'n Shake together. I remember it because I wanted him to really hear my answer, to know that I was going to be okay, and that I would be more than okay. In a nutshell, I told him something like this, "I love you a lot and I am going to miss you like crazy, but I'll be fine. There is more to me than being your mom, and Noelle's mom, and Lauren's mom. I'm also Linda. I'm a child of God just like you are, and he has plans for me that include more than being your mom. I'm excited about what he's going to do in your life, and in mine."

In other words, I let him know (and affirmed to myself), "I have a life that doesn't include you."

Part of that life involves writing and teaching. This past winter, I taught a 6-week Bible study at our local church - a study that I had spent over a year writing. When it came time to teach it, I was wracked with fear. I felt an overwhelming aversion to opening my mouth and speaking in front of people. This had never happened to me before and only by the Lord's mighty power did I get through it, but not without a HUGE spiritual battle every, single week. Anything good that resulted from my teaching was purely a gracious act of God because all I wanted was for it to be OVER.

When it finally was over, I was determined that the enemy would not win in this area of my life and I signed up for a writer/speaker's conference in North Carolina. I had no way of knowing when I registered for the conference that it would coincide with the exact dates of Jensen's Tech School graduation and homecoming. Say it isn't so!

What's a mom to do?? I've only seen my son twice in the last 9 months. I'm so proud of what he's accomplished. I want to BE HERE when he comes home and be the first one to give him a big "welcome home" hug. That should be ME. I'm the MOM! Surely I am going to have to bail on this conference. Not to mention, my husband now has an out-of-state job and who is going to stay with my girls, and we could certainly use that money for something else...and...and...and you-name-it.

But I have a great husband, and great friends, and a GREAT God. This past week, in a matter of hours, God made it clear to me that I'll live (and Jensen will certainly live), if I'm not the one to welcome him home. So I'm embracing this new life of having an adult child. I'm embracing what God has planned for me, Linda; not just me, Mom. By doing so, I am continuing to lead my kids to Jesus, showing them that he holds my heart. And I'm happy to say that when Jensen arrives home from Tech School, I will be happily surrounded by 29 other women of God in North Carolina who also have a life!

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Hearing is not the same as believing

After a hard day at school, I held my sweet second-grader in my arms and told her how much she is loved; how precious and special she is to me - and to Jesus. You see, Lauren was heartbroken and in tears because her best friend told her she's no longer her friend at all. And a short while later, I was treated to this gem:
Lauren not only heard my words - she believed them. (And yes, she called me "Linda" - haha!) But she also went a step further. She made "this food" for me (it was chips and salsa). Her act of love was a natural response to what she heard and believed.

How often do you hear the words of Jesus, but not really believe them? Or how easy is it for you to believe that God's truth applies to someone else's life, but surely not your own circumstance or struggle? Hearing is not the same as believing, is it? And so I pray you hear and believe the words of Jesus today.

Jesus turned around, and when he saw her he said, "Daughter, be encouraged! Your faith has made you well." And the woman was healed at that moment. - Matthew 9:22

Have faith in him. His love and compassion will make you whole. He really, really is crazy about you. What will your response be? Do you believe him?

Monday, July 22, 2013

A song that no one else can sing

You are incredibly special to God. You are fabulously unique and irresistibly precious to him. And did you know that he has given you a song that no one else can sing? He has!

Check out Revelation 14. The scene is heaven. The 144,000 are from the 12 tribes of Israel. They suffered severe persecution for their faith in Christ and did not waiver. The apostle John records what he saw:

And I heard a sound from heaven like the roar of rushing waters and like a loud peal of thunder. The sound I heard was like that of harpists playing their harps. And they sang a new song before the throne and before the four living creatures and the elders. No one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth.

Okay, so maybe you're thinking...uhhhh...I'm not one of the 144,000. True. But if you are a child of the Most High, then he has given you a special song of your very own. The psalms are FULL of exhortations to SING A NEW SONG, and they also tell us that God Himself has "put a NEW SONG in my mouth; a song of praise to my God." (Psalm 40:3)

Only as we experience life with our God are we able to sing a new song to our God. And because we have our own unique relationship with Christ, our own sweet love story, we also have a song that no one else can sing.

I used to walk around in shame, believing that if I opened my mouth to speak about my past that I would bring dishonor to God. Guess what?? The opposite is true. Because it isn't about ME and what I've done at all. It's fully 100% about JESUS and what he has done. He took my shame away. He took YOUR shame away. And he enables us to proclaim THIS:

I am overwhelmed with joy in the LORD my God! For he has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness. I am like a bride with her jewels. Isaiah 61:10

Now doesn't that make you want to open up your beautiful mouth and sing your own special GOD SONG - the song that no one else can sing? OH, SING IT!